Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize