She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize