i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
