Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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