If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
