1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
