just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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