i think i have two assholes
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You took a bar mat shot.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
