If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
