just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
