Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
