Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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