This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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