i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
