Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
