Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I think i got beer on your cat.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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