Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
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He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
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I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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