she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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