Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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