I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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