On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
