I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
