She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
