Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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