thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
