you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
