i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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