Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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