shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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