So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
