He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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