i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
