So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
