Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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