well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
