I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
how do you play pong handcuffed?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
