So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
this is an emotional support booty call
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
