Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
