Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
