with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
