Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
