so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
