This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
