The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
