Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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