Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize