I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Your cock deserves a montage
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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