Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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