why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
