you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
