I'm going to jail i love you
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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