well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
