I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
