Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
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i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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