I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
