the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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