He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
