the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
