u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
