The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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