Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
