Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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