There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
