I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
