highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
