i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
