There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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