I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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