I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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