I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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