I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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