I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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