all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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