Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
