I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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